I have depression.
It is not something that I am overly open about because well, who wants to really admit they feel this empty hole of sadness inside them a lot of the time?
Sometimes it is better than others.
Sometimes, it feels like it isn’t even there at all.I don’t need medicating and yes, I’ve seen someone about it.
The crazy thing about depression or “the black dog” is that no one experiences it the same.
Some people have pomeranians. Some people have dobermans. some people have a freaking St Bernard.
There is no “mine’s better than yours.” No one’s dog could be more of a dog, just like no one’s depression could be more of a depression.
They’re all different, they get treated differently depending on how they manifest and that’s how it goes.
And like dogs, it can be lived with and it can be controlled.
For some people, it is medication. For others, it is kareoke on a Friday night. For me, it seems to be making a conscious decision to include more of what makes me happy in my life.
And so; a list of the things that make me happy:
- Reading a good book – sounds simple enough, doesn’t it? But with a 4 & 5 year old, it isn’t always. I think I need to initiate we ALL have quiet book time together, reading and then we can talk about what we’ve been reading
- Cooking – something that falls to the side as soon as that old dog comes creeping in. In a lot of ways depression becomes a self fulfilling prophecy – you tell yourself that you’re not good at anything so why bother, then you are good at nothing because you’re not trying
- Spending time with the other half – He is usually one to suffer in all this, without really knowing why. He doesn’t completely understand it and how can he really? It isn’t his dog. So he suffers along not knowing what’s going on, giving me my space because he thinks that is what I need. Obviously this part comes to me talking and being more open.
- Working out – I know. Cliche. It really does make me happy. And gives me a feeling of accomplishment. And unfortunately, is usually one of the other things that gets thrown away becayse of the whole self fulfilling prophecy.
- Colouring in with my kids – This one is simple. I need to get me one of those adult colouring books.
- Hanging out with my dog. The one who isn’t black – She’s actually cute and white and fluffy and gets so excited to see me she whimpers and runs in circles. I should spend more time with her.
- Gardening – even though my chickens think I’m making them their own special salad. I should put up a fence and then I’d probably feel a better sense of accomplishment.
- Having flowers in my house – easy really. Put them in the trolley on the weekly shop
- Having candles – as above
- Hanging out with my mama – sometimes a person just needs her mum (Or mother figure depending on your relationship with your actual mother). Regardless of your age, status and all those things, you just need her there because she made you the person you are. I should invite her along to the gym more often.
So there you have it. The state of my head and the things I can logically do to help it.
It does help to write it all down, puts on paper just how simple it is (for me) to feel better in my day. Sometimes all those things feel so momentous that I can’t even do one of them, but having a list definitely helps.