Today I was the type of mum I expected I would be.
The type of mum I wanted to be.
The type I could see myself being, you know, before I had children.
With my first I was wayyyyy too worried about what I was doing and making sure it was all the *right* thing to be doing for me to actually be that mum.
With my second I was wayyyyy too sleep deprived to be that kind of mum.
I’ve kind of let my own expectations go.
Realistically, no one that really mattered was ever judging my parenting style.
If they did judge, they aren’t really someone who matters. But when you’re in it, and new to it all – that just doesn’t sink in.
You see shit on instagram, on pinterest.
You pin nurseries and sugar free baby recipes and buy adorable outfits and cloth nappies with all the best intentions.
No one sees the fucking nursery. It is all for you, in the middle of the night when they’re screaming because they don’t want to sleep.
Or if you’re like us, it’s the room that stores the nappies because the baby sleeps in your room.
The cloth nappies are cute and great but sometimes they’re way too much work and those great outfits you envisioned your little baby sleeping peacefully in while you drank a coffee at some cafe have been spewed on and pooed on until there’s weird stains and it is just too fucking much.
You see all these things about needing routines and not needing routines and no tv before 2 years but some is okay…
We are fucking FLOODED with all this information and “help” but there’s no actual help for new parents. No one says “whatever you gotta do to get through the day is okay. If you need to go back to bed, it’s okay. Ask for help. It’s OKAY.”
I’m still telling myself it’s okay. I’m pretty sure I’m almost there.
We left the washing up on the bench. We went for a walk through the Botanic Gardens. We breastfed in front of a freaking waterfall until she went to sleep.
I CLEANED OUT THE KIDS DAMN ARTS BOX
But it isn’t every day. And we let stuff slide so we could have that walk.
It was worth it.
The biggest thing I’ve had to do is let go of the expectations I had of the type of mum I’d be, and instead just try to be the type of mum my kids need me to be.