Up until now, I’ve been one of the lucky ones.
We never tried with either of our children.
We just weren’t not trying.
Now I sit here 4 months post d&c after a failed pregnancy and shit just isn’t doing what it is supposed to.
For the last 2 months, the week before my period I get spotting.
Not my period, Just enough to be fucking annoying and make things messy.
And break my heart a little more each time.
I don’t think anything is wrong.
I definitely don’t think they’ve missed anything. I’m not sick, I’m not in pain, it’s not excessive.
I think my hormones are just out of whack.
I’m waiting to hear from the surgeon ob/gyn to find out the plan.
Well meaning people say things like “At least you’ve got two beautiful children”and this is very very true, I do.
I should be 6 months pregnant right now.
I should be rubbing my belly and being kept up at night because I’m getting kicked.
I should be looking at cots and blankets and carseats.
And I’m not. I’ve come to terms with that – sometimes shit just happens.
But I should at least be having everything working properly so maybe it can happen again soon.