I know this is a touchy subject.
It is tough to know what you should say, if you should say anything at all.
You may worry saying their baby’s name will bring back bad memories.
But nothing can be worse than someone pretending that child didn’t exist.
I haven’t had the heartache of stillbirth or of my child I’ve brought into this world dying, but I have suffered a loss.
Here’s things that you should and (in my opinion) shouldn’t say to parents who’ve suffered loss.
THINGS TO SAY
- That fucking sucks.
- Life can just be shit sometimes
- Do you need a cuddle
- Do you need some alcohol
- Do you need my help with your house/work/other children
- I’m so sorry this has happened to you
THINGS TO NOT SAY
- It’s for the best
- At least you didn’t know them
- At least you got x amount of time with them
- It’s God’s will
- There was probably something wrong anyway
- Shouldn’t you be over it by now
- At least you’ve got other children
It can be a really tough place to navigate. You might not want to make things awkward by bringing it up, but honestly, if that person knows that you know, it’s the elephant in the room anyway.
Ask yourself what you would want if you’d lost a child. Even if it is just a hug.