I’m so so over everything right now.
We’re moving (not a euphemism- actually moving) to Wagga Wagga.
In the interim, because pat will be away in Sydney and then Wagga for at least 4 months before we are, we are moving in my parents place so I have help with the kids (an adult in the house for when I have to duck to the shops for bread/milk/wine) and it is stressing me the fuck out.
I’m trying very very hard to not be an inconvenience to anyone and therefore, the house doesn’t feel like my house. Which is fine, it isn’t my house.
At the same time though, I feel like I can’t sit down and relax because there is always shit that I should be doing, things the kids should and should not be doing, And work and packing and parenting and cooking and trying to spend quality time with my husband before he moves away and I don’t know how often I’ll see him.
Dex and Lola are being assholes.
Lola just does it for shits and giggles.
Dex is misbehaving because he’s trying to process the emotions of moving away from his friends and nanna and grandad so other than me feeling like a complete bitch because we’re taking them away from everything they’ve known, I am also completely frustrated because no matter how much I explain about it all to them and talk about our feelings it just keeps happening and dammit I’m nervous and scared about leaving my friends too!
I’m at the point of trying to move the move forward just so I don’t have to deal with his anxiety driven shitty behaviour for 5 months.
But then I want them to be able to spend as much time as they can with their friends and nanna and grandad.
And Morrigan just doesn’t sleep anymore. At all.
I lie. She sleeps just enough for me to think maybe we’re turning a corner (a good sleep for 2 nights or so) and then shit for a week. And repeat.
I feel at the point of breaking. Like something’s got to give.
Oh and I have uni exams in 2 weeks.
Realistically I know I can do it all, just one foot in front of the other.
But when I’m sitting in my car eating ferrero rochers and silently begging Morrigan to just go the fuck to sleep because there’s *so much to do* I really question it.