I remember the BC.
The Before Children.
You know when you feel like everything is too much and you would like to wrap yourself in a cocoon of blankets and pillows and stay in your Jamie’s all day, binge watch some trashy reality TV show to make yourself feel better about your life and re-emerge, 36 hours later, renewed and ready to tackle the world with a new look on life?
You can’t do that with kids.
They still need bathing and feeding and cuddling and talking to and washing and washing up and alllllll the things that are the every day mundane shit that makes up life as a parent.
I think it’s harder to get a new outlook on things as a parent. Not only do you not have the time, it’s not only you.
You can never put yourself first anymore.
What’s even worse is when you think you’ve been making the right decisions and then you realise they’re completely, completely wrong. You get stuck in this state of frozen.
You aren’t getting anywhere with what you’re doing, it’s clearly not working, but what else do you do? This is all we know. This is all I know.
And what if we mix it up. And it fucks up. And it’s nothing that the kids are used to. It makes their lives hard. It makes our lives hard. And then it hasn’t worked and it’s all for nothing.
But we can’t keep doing nothing.
Rock, meet hard thing. We’re in the middle.