Last night at our house we had a super fun evening of de-nitting the kids hair.
Because parenting is super glamorous, right?
After that was done, I said “come on, I’ll jump in the shower with you to wash it out. Dex, you first, then Lola can get in when you get out.
My kids are currently 6 (7 in August) and 5.
Showers are a place of peace and quiet. Even now, they’re somewhere we can sit and chill and deconstruct the day – especially when there are sensory issues, water provides that constant noise and touch that is calming and comforting.
Dex and I sat down for a little while, washed out his hair and I said “stand up and I’ll wash you”
Got the puff, got the soap. Did the top half of him, arms, torso etc.
As we moved toward his hips, he flinched away a little.
I stopped immediately. I apologised “I’m sorry, does that make you uncomfortable?”
He shyly said yes.
I handed him the puff, told him to wash everything he didn’t feel comfortable with me washing.
He washed off and sat back down and I asked him “Does me being in the shower with you make you uncomfortable?”
And he replied that it didn’t.
I asked if he would tell me if he was uncomfortable with me in the shower and he assured me he would.
He then said “I’ll still want you in my showers even when I’m like 20!” (Ahh the innocence of childhood, right?!)
And I told him he probably wouldn’t.
“Because by then my penis will be big and get hairy?”
Yep bud, that’s exactly why.
It will probably happen around 11-12. It may even start happening at 9 or 10. Or even 8!
“But I don’t want a penis like that!”
“Unfortunately, it is part of growing up. But, until you’re uncomfortable with me being in here with you, we can keep chilling out in the shower.”
Talk then shifted to my big fat belly and my big fat boobies. And about how they get bigger so we can feed babies.
After we were dressed and dried and sitting in front of the TV, I thanked him for telling me that he was uncomfortable. I told him it was a really important thing for him to be able to say and super important that if anyone, child or adult, made him feel uncomfortable that he tell them and if they don’t listen, he can tell someone else they made him feel that way.
This is one of the big reasons my kids see me naked. Why I shower with them. Why they’re allowed to climb in bed with me if I’m only wearing undies.
They learn what is appropriate. They learn they are allowed to say when they feel it isn’t.